F@*% him, what is that? Stepping on MY territory! I found [him] irritating because he’s like the coolest guy on Earth, and the greatest rock musician, and writer, and performer you’ve ever seen – and ALSO funny? He could do what we do just in his sleep - as an afterthought.

He’s just now realizing that Mr. White’s tantamount to a demigod when it comes to the arts? Way to be behind the times, Judd.

Looks like star John C. Reilly feels the same way:

He was in “Cold Mountain,” he had a small part in that. But he really hung with the improv. We did this one take where all we did was talk in kind of what I call pigeon English. All this kinda country talk where only he and I can understand each other.

Reilly also talked about the casting process and how Jack, despite his vast reserves of what scientists call “brilliance,” wasn’t their first choice:

It was the toughest part to cast. You’d be amazed what scaredy cats there are among actors. You say, “You wanna play Elvis?” “Oh, I dunno, man, you know, that’s a lot, everyone knows who Elvis is.” So what? It turns out the guy with the biggest balls is Jack White.

I simply can’t wait for this film. Apatow + Jack White has to equal a winner!

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You could be one of them, but you’ve got to hurry! The contest ends Friday night!

Scurry, Yorbites! To the memorabilia!

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Remember the mystery message with the Man Ray quote?

Not so mysterious anymore. A trip to the official Stripes website revealed that our favorite rocking duo is…

…selling cameras?

LOMOs, specifically, perfect for lomography, an Austrian commercial trademark/photographing style that emphasizes spontaneous snapshots and optical tomfoolery.

Two different LOMOs are available, the Jack and Meg models respectively, and they go on sale…take a guess, Yorbites. Yes, X XV. October 15.

For those of you with formerly rich and currently dead uncles, you should know that the first 333 customers to purchase both cameras will get a mystery gift. “Golly gee!” I say with utter sincerity.

Seriously, Jack, Meg. Cameras? I’m all for Stripes paraphernalia, but why play the enigma card? Why not just come out with it? Cameras aren’t mystifying, rare or illegal.

Is the Riddler out of work again? Is that it?

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“The tricks of today are the truths of tomorrow.” - Man Ray

X XV MMVII

Yorbites, judging from the Roman numerals, I do believe we’ll see something spectacular in the Stripes universe on October 15. Well, Jack, we await with bated breath!

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Scot songstress KT Tunstall met everyone’s favorite rock god backstage at a recent festival in Japan. Here’s what she had to say:

He’s like Led Zeppelin in one man. It was a magical moment… the Raconteurs’ dressing room was opposite ours, so I got a bit of paper and wrote, “Did I ever tell you you’re my hero? I’m totally in love with you.” I went to put it in his room, but it was full of the trendiest people who looked like they hadn’t eaten since they were children. I thought, “I can’t put the note in there, they’ll ridicule me.” Then I turned around and there was this giant belt buckle in my face, and there was Jack.

Well, Ms. Tunstall got much farther than I would’ve. I’d have fainted at the buckle!

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If that’s so, there was a smashing family reunion last week in Nashville, where White joined the folk legend onstage September 19 at the Ryman Auditorium for a little “Meet Me in the Morning.” The next night saw duets on “One More Cup of Coffee” and “Outlaw Blues.”

Look below for hastily and stealthily shot footage of one of the duets!

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It’s official, ladies and gentlemen. The world is on a Tokyo commuter train blazing toward the End of Times.

Let me just start by saying that all of the following is speculation and rumor. There isn’t a shred of truth to be had here today, if at all.

As we all know, the Stripes recently canceled the remaining dates on their 2007 tour (both U.S. and across the pond), citing Meg’s “acute anxiety,” which is certainly a legitimate reason for taking a break, what with the pressures of a national performance schedule and all.

But many of us are wondering whether Meg’s anxiety was a natural occurrence or the result of some earth-shattering event.

Enter the rabid ravings of the Internet. A certain sex tape has surfaced - no, I will not directly link to it, you heathens - that supposedly stars…well…the Stripe in question.

I don’t believe a bit of it and you shouldn’t either. As Idolator astutely mentions, the image is incredibly blurry, the setting seems to be a college dorm room, and Meg’s publicist made it clear that it is absolutely a “prank” with a “twisted sense of humor” and “bad taste.”

Normally, I wouldn’t pander to such crude and vapid hoopla, but I felt it necessary this time. I had a duty to you Yorbites, a duty to inform you about this utter nonsense and then dispel you of any fanciful conjecture.

Madness, I say! A canceled tour, a pseudo-sex-tape. What’s next? I suppose Jack’s really a three-toed sloth!?

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That’s the brutal bombshell this week, Yorbites. I expect many of you are as devastated as I am and surely peeking out through your blinds, searching the horizon for the Four Horsemen.

From the official White wire:

The White Stripes announced today that they are canceling their forthcoming tour due to health issues.  Meg White is suffering from acute anxiety and is unable to travel at this time.

The White Stripes sincerely apologize to their fans.
“We hate to let people down and are very sorry.”

Fans can obtain refunds for their tickets at point of purchase.

Dates affected:

9/13/07  Albuquerque, NM @ Kiva Auditorium
9/15/07  Austin, TX @ Austin City Limits Festival
9/16/07  Austin, TX @ Stubbs Bar-B-Q
9/18/07  San Diego, CA @ Coors Amphitheatre
9/19/07  Inglewood, CA @ The Forum
9/21/07  Berkeley, CA @ Greek Theatre
9/24/07  Anchorage, AK @ George M. Sullivan Sports Arena
9/26/07  Seattle, WA @ Paramount Ballroom
9/27/07  Seattle, WA @ Paramount Ballroom
9/28/07  Boise, ID @ Idaho Center Theater
9/29/07  Salt Lake City, UT @ The E Center
9/30/07  Jackson Hole, WY @ Snowking Center
10/2/07  Rapid City, SC @ Rushmore Plaza Civic Center
10/3/07  Fargo, ND @ Fargo Civic Auditorium
10/4/07  Lincoln, NE @ Pershing Center Auditorium
10/6/07  Chicago, IL @ Aragon Ballroom
10/7/07  Chicago, IL @ Aragon Ballroom
10/10/07 Honolulu, HI @ Neal S. Blaisdell Center

The Hotel Yorba wishes nothing but health and happiness upon Meg at this difficult time. Here’s hoping that the anxiety is temporary and that the Stripes are bound to pack it up again!

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Hope there’s an interview. I do wonder what that would be like…

Dylan: So, Jack, get born keep warm short pants romance learn to dance get dressed get blessed try to be a success?

White: Pardon?

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London radio station XFM 104.9 will be airing an hour-long documentary about the Stripes’ Elephant on Sunday, September 23.

The station is producing 10 documentaries about 10 significant and influential albums of the last decade - yes, that’s 10 again - to celebrate a certain number of years in London broadcasting. Guess how many.

Decaphilia aside, XFM is certainly in the right to dub Elephant a significant and influential album. After all, two Grammys, #390 on Rolling Stone’s “500 Greatest Albums of All Time,” and NME Album of the Year for 2003 don’t lie.

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